I recently had a conversation with someone who was trying to decide on a course of action. Eventually she said "Oh well, I suppose if it's meant to be it'll just happen and everything will fall into place smoothly". My response was "Not necesarily. Sometimes we have to push through things and overcome our resistence or a weakness." It's true that life unfolds all around us and we as individuals aren't in control of the whole universe, however we do have choices and are responsible for our actions, or lack of them. Over my 23 years of practice in holistic therapy and personal development, I've seen many people who have everything going for them in life and yet remain negative, weighed-down and in an attitude of defeat. This pattern, if not broken, can sabotage and destroy all that could have been so good. How do these destructive or passive and defeated states begin and how can they be resolved?
Picture a snail, eyes out on stalks, going about its business, until Harry the cat gives it a curious sniff and accidently touches the snail's eye-stalk. We know the snail will pull its stalks in and, if Harry persists, the soft little creature will draw back into its protective shell. When we are smaller than something uncomfortable or threatening, we might also 'pull our stalks in' or even 'withdraw into our shell'. Holding back or hiding can be a wise strategy initially but if we keep it up for too long it can become an embodied habit that paralyses us in the face of a decision or opportunity. If there's an area of lack, unfulfilled needs or unrealised dreams in your life, it may be time to change the inner patterns of defeat into a new level of breakthrough. There are four stages in this process.
First you must find a place and time where you feel safe and then be there as much as possible. Secondly you must allow time for recovery. This might mean letting the shock go out of your system, sleeping a lot, crying, raging, talking about things or looking back to see how far you've moved on. Thirdly, you begin to heal and rebuild your life. As you begin restoring a healthy curiosity about life again, you may notice a willingness to try something different, an ability to express you who are again or an increase in creative ideas and energy levels. This time life will be different as you establish your 'new normal'. Finally, you will know you have overcome defeat and made a permanent breakthrough when you face that same brick wall again but this time you see it differently. Now you know it's just a situation to be dealt with. You feel the familiar old patterns rising - fear, anxiety, anger, doubt, dissapointment, worry, defeat, blame - but then they subside and the mist clears. Now you can take a breath, relax into your body and centre your awareness into your heart and outwards to the bigger picture. You realise this is the same brick wall you came to last time around. This time you just step over the rubble and go on your way.
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