Sometimes we find the people around us exhausting or frustrating. Sometimes we look back and see where we ruined a relationship in some way. Other times we long for a closer relationship with someone in our life. People - can't live with them - can't live without them! It can be confusing when we have a friend, partner or leader we really like, yet things don't seem to go as we'd like. Difficult times in a relationship can lead us to question whether we need to let go and move on, or persist and hope things get better. To change a relationship, we need to examine the 'root' to get better 'fruit'. The 'fruit' is the current outcome or condition of any relationship - personal or professional, intimate or an associate. We might perceive things as producing 'bad fruit' at the moment. For example, the other person may seem self-absorbed or self-centred, lacking in commitment to our well-being. Other times we see a pattern of behaviour with many people over the years, such as withdrawal from the relationship. To change this to 'good fruit' we need to weed out the 'bad root' in us. We need to find out what sabotages our relationships, so we can heal and move on to more satisfying ways of being with others. A hidden root of relationship sabotage can sometimes be our unacknowledged vulnerability. We are born vulnerable. From the time of our conception, we depend on relationship for our very lives. This vulnerability may be terrifying for our soul and compounded by the all-too-human, fallible behaviour of others or ourselves. So how can this frail, vulnerable part of us sabotage relationships? It could be through naive expectations of others to protect us in every circumstance, provide for us at all costs, know our needs when we stay silent - basically projecting the needs of our wounded inner child onto another person. How do we change this? By understanding the human frailty & limitations of ourselves and others, by having the courage to speak up when we need something or feel vulnerable, by helping others but knowing when we have to say "no". The art of meeting the boundary of another, with compassion for both sides, is well worth cultivating and developing.
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For therapy that helps resolve embodied patterns of unfruitful relationships, contact us on firstname.lastname@example.org. Corrina Kennedy, Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, UK.